Nick's Slight Insecurity
by pumpkaboo
Summary: Even though Nick doesn't like to show it, he has body insecurities too.


Nick knew it was ridiculous. Hell, he hated how _it_ made him feel.

His problem? He didn't like being 'exposed' in front of people when it wasn't dark.

And yes, that included just the upper half of his body.

When he was injured by a Hunter and Rochelle had offered to patch him up, he got irritated and started 'bitching aggressively', as Ro put it.

Coach, already sick of Nick's incessant bitching, quickly put him in his place. "Nick, let her heal you. She is good enough dealin' with your shit every day. Man up."

Nick gave up, unbuttoning his shirt.

He could feel her eyes roam over his chest, not the lesst bit flirty or sexual, which helped to calm him, if only slightly. At least she wasn't judging him, how he looked.

She also didn't appear repulsed.

He hated being judged for the body he had, what had happened to it, whether it was positive or negative. It just made him nervous. Although he never showed it.

But the idea of someone looking at his body was… his least favourite thing. Strangely enough. It was almost nerve wracking to see someone look over his scars. Wondering what kind of past he had, why he even had them. What could he have done to get these? He could hear their minds tick.

He hated his ugly scars where he had been shot when he was younger. It wasn't like he had anything to distract people from looking at them either. It wasn't like having breasts where they were just all great. No, he had tone, absolutely, and a hell of a lot of chest hair, but the scars were obvious. And in his opinion, the most horrendous part of his body. He was ashamed that they were there.

Rochelle finished cleaning the wound and for the first time since starting her treatment, looked at him in the eye. He could tell she was starting to wonder what had happened, but he knew she would never ask. She certainly was the curious type, but she also knew that Nick wasn't the type to tell just anyone.

He rained a brow and she gave him the look of a child who had been caught stealing cookies from a jar, and swiftly went back to checking his wounds before covering them.

Ellis walked over from scouting ahead. "Areas pretty clear lookin'. Also think there might be a safe house close by." He saw Nick's chest and stared, eyes wide.

Nick lightly pushed Ro away and buttoned up his shirt, knowing Ellis _would_ ask. He wouldn't know the difference between the right time to ask, and just not fucking asking at all and Nick was _not_ in the mood for Ellis.

Nick got up and walked ahead, Coach not far from him.

At the next safe house Ellis just _had_ to bring up the scars.

"Nick, I uh… don't wanna bother you none-"

"You are bothering me Overalls" Nick said, his voice icy.

Ellis didn't take the hint. "Well, what happened to your chest-?"

"None of your fucking business Ellis. Don't nose your way into things that don't concern you."

Rochelle quickly rushed over and got Ellis away from Nick.

Nick leaned back against the wall, his torso stinging from the Hunter attack. He sighed, closing his eyes.

"Nick."

He groaned and looked up at Rochelle. "What?"

"I get it, you don't want to talk about it, Ellis is sorry, he just… was worried, I guess. You know he cares about you."

Nick frowned. "Oh yeah? He can start by leaving me alone."

"Nick… you can't spend your whole life avoiding people."

"I haven't avoided people. I was married. Twice."

"And divorced twice."

"And I did socialize with people."

"When you conned them. I get it. But that is all irrelevant now Nick. This is the present. There are no… well, casinos or where ever you do your gambling and conning, and we all need support. Ellis is sorry for bringing up the scars and he is embarrassed. He didn't want me to say that, but he was concerned. You probably wouldn't even know what it meant to be concerned for someone else though, right?"

He ignored her.

"Typical" she muttered. "The world has changed Nick. You need friends."

"Night Ro."

She walked over to the lounge and lay down.

Ellis walked back in from the bathroom. "Ro, take the bed."

"Are you sure Sweetie?" she asked, brow furrowed.

"Yep. Sleep well Ro."

"You too Sweetie." She got up, still looking puzzled and walked into the bedroom.

Once the door was closed Ellis walked over to where Nick was grouching in the corner and sat next to him.

Nick looked at the young mechanic. "Go away Ellis."

"I wanted to apologize."

"You don't have to."

"I want to. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I mean, I just… y'know, weren't sure none how you got them-"

"Better it stays that way."

Ellis leaned over awkwardly, and Nick almost slapped him away, but the look in Ellis' eyes changed his movement immediately. He frowned as the mechanic unbuttoned his shirt.

"Ellis" he warned curtly, but Ellis paid no mind. Of course he was young and fucking fearless. Nick had been like that once. Maybe a little less stupid. Although he had managed to get himself almost killed…

Ellis looked into Nick's eyes and touched the scar.

Nick jerked away as though he had been burned. "Ellis!" he snapped.

"Nick, I'm not disgusted by your scars, and when I asked about them… I didn't think… about how painful it musta been for you. I am sorry. I also want you to know that I care about you, 'kay?"

Nick was surprised that this conversation was happening. Ellis leaning over him while he was stuck in the corner of a safe room while Ellis felt his disgusting scars and confessed that he cared.

"An' can you stop acting like having the scars is like bein' disfigured? You're still attractive, y'know?"

Nick raised a brow. So that's how it was, huh?

Ellis gave him a quick grin before lying on a sleeping bag. "Take the lounge Nick. It'll help you sleep better with the wound you got today."

Nick awkwardly got up and made his way to the lounge. He sat down and looked at Ellis.

Ellis looked back at him "Just letting you know I'm here for you if you wanna talk 'bout stuff. Sleep well Nick."

"Yeah, sleep well Ellis."

Ellis smiled. "Never thought I'd hear that line from you."

"There is a first for everything. Never thought I'd hear you say that I was attractive."

"I did no such thing."

"Whatever Ellis."

"Okay, maybe I did. Whatever Nick."

Nick chuckled. "Night El."

"Night Nick."

Nick ran his finger over his old scars. Well, after this there would be more scars. He was sure the Hunter had dug deep enough…

He shuddered.

But maybe his problem was his scars were just there, but really didn't make a difference. Ellis was right, yes, he had to admit it. They were scars. He wasn't disfigured.

"Ellis…"

"Mm?"

"Uh, hypothetically, I mean, I don't give a shit either way… but do you think I would be still attractive if I was disfigured?"

"Don't see why not. Your personality would have to make up for it though" he teased.

Nick just smiled to himself.

He listened to Ellis' breathing even out, and he snored lightly as he did when he didn't have a pillow.

Ellis' words replayed themselves in Nick's mind until he too fell asleep.


End file.
